The word HERO is thrown around a lot these days. But from a kid’s perspective, Halloween is the day where any adult can be THEIR hero. But it all comes down to the candy you give those fearless trick-or-treaters.
So while you might always stick with that same dollar store brand year after year, think about the short term respect and admiration you could receive from your neighborhoods youth if you avoid giving out any of the candy on this list.
Be a Halloween Hero. Give GOOD Candy.
No one cares what a great deal you got on that bag of 500 Rockets. These small pieces of left over elementary school classroom chalk are just awful. They probably made just one batch of these 30 years ago and are still selling the same ones.
Candy Corn, Candy Pumpkins it’s all bad. Can you even name the company that makes these little pieces of evil? No, you can’t. They started making these in the 1880’s and it was originally called “Chicken Feed.” We shouldn’t even be this mean to poultry, and WE EAT CHICKENS.
BLACK JELLY BEANS
YOU’RE A MONSTER. Enjoy the toilet paper on your house you SOB.
UNKNOWN WRAPPED TAFFY
Halloween colors do not mean it’s good for Halloween. Example: Fruit Cake at Christmas. If you’re a time traveler from 1921 stuck in 2016, at least find the salt water kind.
Inspiration for the Lemonhead name came from the Ferrara Candy Company in 1962. The owner (Salvatore Ferrara) saw his grandson after he was born. Salvatore II was a forceps baby and he noted that his new grandson’s head was lemon-shaped. Do you really want to give this out now that you know the background?
Yet another warning sign that you are a cheap skate and deep down inside hate children.
The lowest level of “marshmallow” ever created by man. According to the bag this is a ‘fat free candy’. When FAT can’t even be bothered to show up this should be a red flag.
There is a reason they come in tiny boxes year round. I’m appalled that Tootsie makes these when their other products are killer. Don’t pretend these even come close to a generic jube-jubes brand you buy in bulk at the grocery store. These are also a vegan product so they will probably end up telling you that sooner than later.
Even the name is misleading. Almonds are good. Chocolate is good. But there is no ‘joy’ to be had when you rest those confectionery staples on top of a pile of shredded coconut. Coconut must be cheaper than Styrofoam these days because that’s the only reason I can see for this abomination. And while we are on the subject, if you have ever knowingly purchased a ‘Mounds’ or a ‘Bounty’ bar you should probably rethink your life.
Does this look like the face of someone enjoying their treat? Anything with the word WAX in its name is gonna crash and burn worse than a pumpkin stuffed with M80s. I heard a story about one kid who would call the police on adults who gave these out and say that their house was a grow op.